I’m still amazed how easy it is for someone I don’t know to crush my hopes and dreams.
As much as I want to be stronger, to move passed it all, to not let them define me, it still hurts, like way more than it should. But who defines “should”?
Even people who claim they want to help, claim they want to hear more, they don’t. They never did. They don’t want to help, they want to do something for themselves because they only “help” in a manner they want to do. For example, when people say “thoughts and prayers”. See, they don’t actually want to put forth any effort; heck, they’ll likely not think of it again. Lose your jobs, they won’t actually help you find a new job unless it benefits them, they’ll just tell you to stay positive.
I heard a phrase this week, “Be ready when your best friend betrays you.” I want to say it was attributed to a Mitch Horowitz. I know nothing about the guy, but that phrase rings true.
Everyone I’ve ever looked up to has disappointed. Maybe I too have disappointed others, but no one should ever look up to me. I’m a failed, broke human. I’ve made so many mistakes and have so many regrets, I just wish it would stop. And I so often want to give up.
Just when I think I can have honest conversations, I’m shut down, rejected, kicked to the curb. Just another reminder to add to the pile that tells me I will never be good enough for anyone.
I want to be better than this, but I’m not. Just another victim in a society that thrives on crushing other people as long as the one doing the crushing gets to make themself appear better.
I’m so sick and tired of it all.