Today, I had a good cry. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Seems like a strange phrase to use, but those who know know. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked up lists of songs about loneliness. Most were just the standard “you cheated on me” or “I don’t like you no more” crud, but I did find a couple that had raw, exposed emotion that can only come from true heartache and not a superficial bruised ego. The two that stood out were Demi Lovato’s “Stone Cold” and Beth McCarthy’s “She Gets the Flowers”. Those hit so hard they hurt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don’t know what to do now. All I can do is be lonely; I control nothing else. I’m too broken. I’ll hurt anyone that tries to get close; my jagged bits will just cut and cut until they bleed to death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This left me wondering if I should even “improve myself”. Now what would I be improving and to whose standards? If I improve myself in her eyes, would that be sacrificing who I might truly be just for petty revenge? I suspect so. So how do you improve yourself for you when you have no belief that you’re even worth the time of day? I’ve got no answer. All I can do is do whatever I want to do and let all the regret pile until it eventually buries me in the dirt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It won’t make me happy, but I don’t know what would make me happy anymore. Everything I think I enjoy just hurts me in the end.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe when my kids are finally grown and on their own, I can just crawl into the woods and under a tree where the heartache, pain, regret, all of it can just die with me, alone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Today, I had a good cry. Seems like a strange phrase to use, but those who know know. I looked up lists of songs about loneliness. Most were just the standard “you cheated on me” or “I don’t like you no more” crud, but I did find a couple that had raw, exposed emotion that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":300,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-301","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thedragoncorps.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/301","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thedragoncorps.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thedragoncorps.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thedragoncorps.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thedragoncorps.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/thedragoncorps.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/301\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":304,"href":"https:\/\/thedragoncorps.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/301\/revisions\/304"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thedragoncorps.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/300"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thedragoncorps.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thedragoncorps.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thedragoncorps.com\/musings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}