The final court decree arrived in the mail. At last, it’s officially over in my mind. I took down from the walls the last remaining items that represented the failed marriage of lies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
While I was attempting to request changes in beneficiaries so that my children get whatever remains of my estate upon my eventual death, I hit a snag. One form needs a witness. I don’t have a witness. I have no friends, no acquaintances, no coworkers to ask. I feel I can’t just go ask a stranger, “Hey could you sign this legal document with your personal information for me.” Nowadays, in the fear of identity theft, I’ll get laughed at or punched. Kind of prefer the latter. Instead, I’m left with reminders of how alone I feel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In an effort to try and keep learning during the few years I have left, I listen to a select few podcasts that I feel actually try to teach and explain new discoveries or historical events, deeper dives than the news but not the “two white guys shit-talking for an hour” concept of podcasting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On one, I think it was Hidden Brain, I heard a Dr. Keyes explain the concept of Languishing, and it struck a serious chord with me. From what I gather I’m not the only one. In short, languishing is having a good life but feeling like something is missing, something you can’t put your finger on. I feel highly inadequate, failing something, maybe everything, and not worthy of anything good because I’m not whole. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I do live comfortably. I was able to retire at 43. I’ve got no boss pressuring me to do anything. Many would call this a dream-level success, yet I feel like my life is a string of failures. I’ve succeeded in nothing, I’ve only failed everything I’ve attempted. Is that true, probably not, but I can’t see that because I feel something is missing. I don’t know what that something is, so I bought his book. I’m still in the early bits because I almost read slower than I write. So I have no answers. Maybe I never will; however, there’s still an ounce of hope that I will. At least I’m trying; I’ve got that going for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I fear that this lonely languishing loser will remain just that: too embarrassed to engage, too suspicious to trust, too betrayed to care. Instead I just pass the time until this mortal coil has had enough of this shit. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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